The consequences of the inner chasm and conflict
A chasm, devoid of any bridges, is created between the ideal image that a person constructs of their self and their true self. Naturally, people construct this idealised image to avoid the conflicts that torment them, but afterwards the conflict between the idealised image and their true self becomes even greater, and they try to find various solutions. The solution found by a person experiencing this conflict, according to psychologists, is externalisation, or projection. We have spoken of projection before. However much a person may construct an ideal image, they cannot neglect their true self. There is the true self—that is, the one who has suffered, who has flaws, shortcomings and weaknesses, who harbours all that is evil within. As long as this reality exists, it manifests itself. However much one might wish to idealise things, however much one might wish to hide them, this reality exists. One will be distressed, one will be troubled, one will become angry. What will happen? Since they cannot bring themselves to let go of the idealised image, and the true self exists, what will happen? The chasm exists within them, the conflict exists, the unpleasant state exists. Without really realising it, he will begin to externalise himself, to project his self onto others.
In other words, he distances himself from his own self. He ceases to see his various flaws or the various difficult states he goes through within himself—or, more accurately, to attribute them to his own self—and begins to see them in others, who are outside his own self. Through externalisation, they do not simply project certain flaws; they do not merely externalise and project certain faults onto the other, but project their entire self and their feelings. Therefore, a person who is not free on the inside, who is bound, who is weighed down by a burden, in order to find some relief, to escape a little from the state they find themselves in, notices something similar in others. They end up believing that others are angry with them.
We are victims without realising it
This difficult situation has even greater dimensions, and if a person is not careful, they may fall victim to it. That is to say, someone might look after a prisoner, a poor person, a starving person – look after anyone in need. And not only do they look after them, but they cannot even sleep because of it. Even in their sleep they are preoccupied with this work and will go to the ends of the earth to see it through. They do all this because they are sick inside, because they are oppressed. He has an ideal image, but he is oppressed by his true self, which makes him feel as if he were in prison, feel that he is starving, feel that he is in a pitiful state, that he is in some kind of need. Great care is therefore required; the question is not: ‘What is the person doing?’, but: ‘Why are they doing it?’ When we do a good deed, it will remain a good deed. It will not cease to be a good deed in itself. But we, who perform this good deed – God knows how good it is – if our motivation is not love, virtue, altruism, if we do not do good for the glory of God, but do it for unhealthy reasons, out of an unnatural inner need, then we find ourselves in a fallen state and are victims, even if this state of ours manifests itself as virtue. We are victims of a sickly state, of a conflict that exists between the ideal image and our true selves. This is why the Fathers – who knew better than we do – if someone sought their advice, would have wanted them to come under their guidance; they would not have allowed them, so readily, to begin working amongst other people. According to the Fathers, the essential and foremost task for every soul is to purify itself, to humble itself, to become spirit-filled, to learn to submit to God, to learn to truly love God and people, to learn to work for the glory of God, not out of compulsion, nor to satisfy some inner need.
…if our motivation is not love, virtue or altruism; if we do not do good for the glory of God, but do so for unhealthy reasons, out of an unnatural inner need, then we find ourselves in a fallen state and are victims, even if this state of ours manifests itself as virtue.
Some people cannot find peace unless they look after others. But does this ‘cannot find peace’ stem from too much holiness, from too much virtue, from the intention to glorify the name of God? Or is it an inner need, is it the conflict that exists within them? Is it an outburst? You see, then, how much the old man can build up within himself, and how we can be his victims without realising it. Consequently, the person who resorts to externalisation and projection determines their entire life in relation to others; their life is influenced by others, and their inner state, their actions and their behaviour depend on others. In other words, someone may be in a good mood if others are in a good mood towards them. Or they may feel bad, precisely because others feel bad towards them. That is how far things go. There are many people who experience peace, tranquillity, joy and happiness when others smile at them, when others are on good terms with them. When others happen to grit their teeth, pull faces, or show their true colours, then their own spirits are dampened too, and they lose the outward peace they had. This cannot be a Christian life. This cannot happen to a normal person. It happens only to someone who lacks inner peace, who depends on others and projects onto them the conflicts and the unpleasant state in which they find themselves.
Psychological emptiness
Externalisation and projection usually create a huge void. More often than not, this manifests as a feeling of emptiness in the stomach and a need to gorge oneself, to fill the stomach. Do not be surprised when, at times, you find that you have an unjustified craving for food. And let me not say ‘you have’, but ‘we have’. The void that is created is more psychological than physical. Nevertheless, people strive to fill this psychological void with food. Take a look around and you’ll see that very often people eat without a specific purpose; they feel that something is missing and want to eat. The same generally happens when someone wants to hear something, wants to find out something, or wants to see something. It is the void within them that causes them to behave in this way. The same applies to money. A great many people aren’t particularly keen on having a lot of money, nor do they want to have a lot of money to spend and enjoy themselves. Then there are the revellers, who want to have plenty of money to spend. There are some who have no such desires. Nevertheless, they tend to save wherever they can, in order to fill the psychological void within them. I believe that this is how they will fill it.
Humility, repentance, grace
The ideal image creates a great deal of ‘work’ for us and causes us much distress. There is no doubt that all these things arise and are cultivated, are nourished, exist and persist because man does not humble himself, does not resolve to surrender to God, to entrust himself entirely to Him. They cling to, and become attached to, the ideal image. One person conjures it up as more arrogant, another, perhaps, a little more moderate. Man conjures up something, yet, in reality, he never ceases to be, deep down, who he is: stubborn, proud, irritable, quick to anger, ambitious, even cunning. However much one might resist it, one sees these things within oneself. This creates a terrifying conflict between the ideal image and the real one. What happens then? They begin to see these things in others. Do you know how many of the things we see in others are actually within us? You wouldn’t believe it! We have all noticed that, when we are in a state of spiritual elation, when God’s grace has, in a sense, visited our soul, when our being is in a state of humility, we see with different eyes. Not just the sea, the mountains, the trees and the birds, but even the people whom, until recently, we hated and regarded as our enemies – in a state of humility, we see them differently. This is why the Fathers say – bear this in mind – that the humble person, the repentant person, the person touched by God’s grace, the person who, little by little, sets out on God’s path, who, little by little, is reborn, sees everyone as saints. He sees things in a different light.
This person projects – now in the positive sense of the word – their inner world onto others. Whereas the person who is a victim of the struggle between their ideal image and their true self projects their own ugly self onto others and sees all their own faults in them. How can such a person find peace, how can they build good relationships with others, how can they understand one another, work together and achieve something? When we say ‘with others’, we are not referring to distant people or strangers. We mean, for example, a mother having a good relationship with her child, a brother with his sister, a father with his children.
A person who is caught in the struggle between their ideal image and their true self projects their own ugly self onto others and sees all their own flaws in them.
How peaceful our lives would have been, how calm and authentic they would have been, if we had been freed from the conflict that arises between the ideal image and the true self, which causes us to externalise our flaws and project them onto others. If we were free of it, our lives would be so much better.
Self-contempt. Something we experience without understanding
We are talking about the ideal image and the distance, the gulf that exists between the ideal image and our true selves. Projection and externalisation arise as a reaction. People externalise a state that lies within them and project it onto others. We are not consciously aware of this situation. That is to say, we are not aware that this is happening; we have no idea, we do not even realise it, nor do we even suspect it. Our self reacts from the unconscious, unconsciously, that is, without our realising it. This unconscious reaction, says the psychologist Karen Horney, manifests itself through self-contempt, anger and a sense of oppression of our own self. This is more or less how it happens in the spiritual realm as well. That is to say, this unpleasant state that exists within us is projected, externalised, through self-contempt. This self-contempt can manifest itself either by despising others or by despising ourselves. This depends on the individual. Who is this person? You’ll recall I spoke of different types of people: the aggressive type and the conformist type. An aggressive type will express their self-contempt at the expense of others. When someone despises others, deep down they despise themselves. The conformist probably feels that they are despised by others. If there were some spiritual X-rays to show us what each of us is really like deep down, what chaos we would see, what a spectacle we would discover within ourselves! The more someone has cultivated an ideal image and is clinging to it and identifying with it, the more they despise themselves. Their true self does exist, yet subconsciously they feel a sense of contempt. They simply experience this feeling, without realising they are experiencing it. And how does it manifest itself? It manifests itself by despising others or by feeling that they are despised by others. When someone feels that they are despised by others, we would say that it is not very pleasant. Of course, this contempt is not the contempt of which the saints and ascetics speak. Here there is something ugly. There is our true self, which is sinful. Man must see God as Holy and himself as sinful. This is a reality. Nowadays, anyone who considers themselves a good Christian has strayed from these authentic truths, has distorted them and, as a result, clings to an idealised image, which is a fabrication, a figment of the imagination, adopts a negative attitude towards their own self, and treats their own self with contempt out of selfishness, not out of true humility.
Man must see God as Holy and himself as a sinner. This is a reality. Nowadays, those who consider themselves good Christians have strayed from these authentic truths, have distorted them and, in doing so, cling to an idealised image, which is a fabrication, a figment of the imagination…
The ascetic, who bows his head and continually humbles himself, sees himself with humility; he sees with clear eyes the holiness of God, the majesty of God, and lives within this dimension. On the one hand, he sees the Most Holy God; on the other, he sees his wretched self. As Saint Nicodemus the Hagiorite says, on the one hand, man must despair of himself, and on the other, he must place his hope entirely in God, if he wishes to be saved. Otherwise, he cannot be saved. However, beyond this authentic state, modern man, because of his selfishness, his pride, his arrogance, his hypocrisy, and the fact that we live a life of pretence, has fashioned an ideal image for himself. They identify with this ideal image, which is satanic pride – yet deep down they experience the drama of their true self. This causes man to feel ashamed and fearful, to find himself at an impasse, to isolate himself, and to become a victim of the proud and selfish people who exist in this society. In a word, it causes him to suffer greatly.
Excerpt from the book Do You Know Yourself? Spiritual Life and Psychological
Problems. Translation: Cristian Spătărelu, Bizantină Publishing House, Bucharest, 2008, pp. 186–195.